Dear Dominic,


Or as it is correctly pronounced, Maths, was today’s GCSE of choice. 2 hours long and calculator-allowed, we navigated the stormy waters of quadratics, climbed the towering heights of function graphs and almost fell into the quicksand of compound interest. It wasn’t until the last 5 minutes that I realised I had described a bank with a 104.5% annual rate, pretty generous for a savings account. Luckily, it was corrected in time. Tomorrow’s exam is Science (or “The Bits We Didn’t Fit Into Part 1!”) and then there’s another break until the final GCSE of the lot – History – on Tuesday. It’s my birthday in the meantime as well. Yay!

Talking of school, here’s an anatomy of a letter I found when I got back.

Dear Dominic,

Ooooh – good? bad? Am I expelled, or have I been selected for the football team? Go on…!


Oh OK, it can’t be that bad then.

In the Autumn and Spring term you attended school every single day...

Bloody hell, how geeky. Still – must be worth something though? An iPod perhaps?

You have been awarded a Certificate...

Righty ho, that’s great, but I could get more than that by phoning into CBBC…

This is a significant accomplishment...

Oh, you tease. Significant eh? Well, surely the prize will be quite large then, since it only has to be given to one person! All right!

I am awarding you a £5 book token...

A book token? Yeah, it’s, um, what I’ve always wanted….

I’m joking really, I’m sure it’ll look sexy in a CV, but still – nobody claims the taxpayer is bribing young people over here!

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7 Comments on :

  1. Wow on my report its like "must improve attandence" hehehe 86% isnt THAT BAD people what if i go 100% i get a book voucher that’ll encourage me!

  2. I WAS 100% until two weeks ago when I was sick for two days

    Ver entertaining post!

  3. Rob says:

    Actually, I did pretty well until the letter I had descouraged me and I took a week off to make them wish they’d never sent it

  4. Rob, fyi your website is still freeviewonline.

  5. Rob says:

    Thank you

  6. huh 2 weeks ago was half term alex

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