Sometimes, just sometimes, the Daily Mail (or the Mail on Sunday, which pompous Hitchens should realise is the same damn thing) manages to break out of its never-ending cycle of immigrants, gay immigrants and gay immigrants on welfare to find something really new and imaginative to have a hissy fit about. Whilst dutifully shopping in Sainbury’s, I saw such an achievement on the Mail’s front page today:

Brown banishes 300-year-old tradition by removing Britannia from our 50p coin

Yes, apparently a redesign of our coins is an even more important threat to our lives than those benefit-cheating homo-migrants today. Accepting this, a sensible headline would have been Royal Mint redesigns coinage. But no. Moving on:

Gordon Brown’s campaign to promote British values was exposed as a sham last night after it was revealed he personally approved a decision to remove Britannia from the 50p coin. The patriotic symbol – based on a Roman goddess – will no longer be on any British coin for the first time in more than 300 years, as part of a redesign by the Royal Mint. An overhaul of all coinage in April, being billed as the most significant change to the currency since decimalisation, will see it replaced with a representation of modern Britain.

OK, OK, alright. Maybe it is necessary to spin a redesign of coins into an emotional outburst most befitting a toddler tantrum. In that case, I humbly suggest a different angle…

Gordon Brown’s bold defence of British values continued in earnest last night after it was revealed he personally melted down every last 50p coin featuring Britannia. The symbol – based on an Roman goddess – will finally be removed 300 years after European bureaucrats first insisted on imposing the pagan imagery on British coins. Although Britain’s money will remain decimalised – robbing British shoppers of their beloved shillings, farthings and bartered goods – the coinage will now at least depict a representation of modern Britain: village churches, white people and Henry VIII.

(Apparently, Phillipa thinks this blog has a ‘relaxed’ tone: this should put her right )

In amidst all this, I should really mention the funeral, which felt ‘right’ to me. My dad made a very good speech, there were some brilliant photos and lots of people came. I even learnt that my grandad had had a rather relaxed attitude to health and safety during his working life, which further adds to the feeling that I haven’t received my fair share of ‘practical skills’ genes.

P.S. I think it’s worth mentioning, and I quote from the Beast itself, “the traditional Britannia design and other traditional designs will return in future mint runs.”

« Sophie’s Supermarket Sweep | Christian Vice »