I have decided, on an unusually light homework night, to compose a thoroughly incomplete list of my most commonly accepted conceits, quirks, typing convenions… etc. Why? I’m not sure, but it might help people understand what on earth I’m talking about at times These aren’t things I’ve invented, just assimilated!

1. Sex was invented in 1963 (Source: Philip Larkin). It is a matter of considerable debate what happened before then, but rest assured, it was pure and innocent of the highest order and may well have involved storks.

2. There is an Invisible Pink Unicorn (Blessed Be Her Holy Hooves) whose existence is unquestionable.

3. Grammar and style is very important, except in certain phrases, especially greetings. How is you? How be thee?

4. If I type *in stars* is either means an action (*waves hands!*) or *emphasis*. Or both. Why use the same symbol when [uses square brackets for an action] could eliminate all confusion? Good question.

4. a) Don’t confuse this with a single star! That’s to correct mistakes in instant messages. Example:

Dom: I blog to much
Dom: *too

(What happens if the mistake itself is the lack of a star?)

Dom: Well done 8claps*
Dom: **

Makes sense? Good.

5. If I say “I’m going to have a barth” it’s not a typo. It started when I got mocked from ya lot up North for pronouncing bath with ‘invisible rs’ (truthfully it’s a broad A, but I prefer annoying linguists). So now I type it like this to remind people

That’s it for now, methinks Mmm… I want to see other people’s versions of this. Get blogging, and that’s an order!

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