On Saturday the final stage of the grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary rolled out (yes OK, sometimes I think our family operates as a quasi-commercial entity) with a visit to Starlight Express – or more specifically, The 3rd Dimension or… something, which is some kind of revisionist version. Anyway, it was odd! I think everyone enjoyed it, though mostly through discussion of the bizarre plot and the really strong emotional connection to different ways of powering a train engine.

“What’s next…” we asked, “the heroic battle between different elements in the periodic table?”

(I think you have to have seen this musical to understand it, actually, so I’ll stop trying to explain. I’ve been advised to think of it as an 80s roller-skate disco, so I will.)

I then saw Casino Royale on Sunday. The problem here is that I’ve never actually seen a Bond film in the cinema before – the most I’ve come to it was seeing some of the classics on video years ago. So I wasn’t amazed and astounded this this one was better than the last few because, erm, I haven’t seen them. So I left the cinema agreeing with mum – a fun film for a fiver at Willesden on a rainy Sunday afternoon, but not a woaaah amazingly outstanding experience. It’s James Bond, I guess, what do you expect?

Though I’m glad we’ve sorted out that beautiful women will betray you, even if you wear a dinner jacket. Or if you’re a steam train, as in the case of Starlight Express, except of course ‘beautiful women’ then becomes, ur, ‘coach’ as demands that peculiar metaphor. I think I’ll stop attempting to connect these two bits of entertainment now and go to bed

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