Recently there’s been a noticeable increase in the number of spam e-mails received, not just by me but around the world. So it was nice to at least get an amusing one for once, rather than a mere annoyance, which I shall now share with you for your reading pleasure, with some additional comments in italics

Paragraph breaks added for readability. It didn’t come with many.

Subject: Hello from Russia.

Hello!!!

How are you? Cheerful opening My name is Ekaterina. I am 26 years old. I live in Russia, city Youshkar-Ola. I am cheerful woman (this shines through), and like to do many things as sport, camping, go to the cinema, theatre etc. In a word I like to do all what like all people. Sorry that is not ‘a word’ I work in marketing structure (a what? ‘structure’ sounds a bit evil here, like a marketing drone from the marketing robot people) on sale of cosmetics. My dream this travel abroad. I know the english language well enough (sure) ..

I began to study english language approximately one year ago. Again, this really does show. I wish tell to you history which have pushed me write to you. Don’t let me hold you back… 8 months ago I have got acquainted with the man from other country by name Justin. During this time we had good relations. I think this means sex. We have understood that our relations become serious (unprotected sex) and we have decided to meet in his country (unprotected sex ‘for real’). I wrote the application for reception the visa. I waited reception of the visa approximately half of year. All time I kept in touch with Justin through the internet and often called to each other. I and Justin waited reception of the visa to our meeting. I smell tragedy coming…

I have received the invitation from the ambassador for reception of the visa. My director has given me long-term holiday from work very generous of him or her and I have gone to Moscow to receive the visa. I informed good news to Patrick Patrick?! His name was Justin!, but he has answered, that does not want our meeting. He played with me. Awwww… He has informed that has the wife I do hate ‘the wife’ with two children ouch and at all has no plans to meet me.

I was not ready to such turn of events. One should always be preparated. I could not think what even after 8 months of acquaintance he can so unscrupulously act with me. Grr – men! Now I am in Moscow trip to Moscow and reception of visa. I do not want that all was gone for nothing and will be glad if my visa will be useful to our meeting. Ah yes, our meeting. With me. Why me, again? I could arrive already through 4-5 days fast, but a problem in that that now I have no man which would like my arrival . Ah honey, you don’t need a man in your life! Go wild and free!

Probable it will silly sound noooooooooooo but if you will be interested in a meeting with the good woman I shall like to meet you sometime soon! Wow! I’m flattered and delighted and overjoyed and happy! As Justin was dishonest with me tsst, speak no more of Justin \ Patrick I have decided to find the man which is interested to meet the woman from Russia. Ah, so that explains why you picked me, I’m even doing History coursework on Tsarist Russia at this very moment!

I do not know your ideas about my letter (disdain), but it would be fine if we could meet and have some weeks or months together. Wow… commitment so soon? Are you sure? On my trip I want to receive rest from my work and a life in Russia. Also the basic purpose for the future it is search good men for serious attitudes which go to a marriage. You’ve come to the right bloke, I certainly have serious attitudes about things I have no children, but I want to have children in the future. I think we need to slow down in our relationship dear. I am the mature woman (attractive) and ready to creation of family with good man. I can make toast?

I do not know what you really search in the future (wealth, fame, a haircut…) but if we could meet I shall be happy to discuss with you more about our meeting. But, ur, if we meet we have no need to discuss the meeting because we’ll already be meeting? :S What are you going to do this time? This time?! It would be fine if we could meet, do friendship or more than simply friendship. Ooh – nudge nudge, wink wink. I shall be happy if you also have a free time and we could meet soon. I do not know your interests despite demanding ‘interest in women in Russia’ as a vital quality for your men to have after love-rat Justin \ Patrick, but anyhow write to me back and I shall tell to you more about myself. Write to me all that you want. Maybe we have similar plans and it will be interesting to us together. Most of my plans don’t involve a Russian bride, I have to be honest with you here

You can write all that you want. Ask any questions which interest you. Repetition for empahsis?
Write to me back and I shall tell more about myself and send more my photos. Oh, looks don’t matter when you have the feelings we do.

Please, write to me back on my regular e-mail: ekaterinochka07@bk.ru Pity you couldn’t use your ‘regular e-mail’ to send this, and used dbri@machineryworld.co.uk instead Have a good day,

Ekaterina. Charmed.

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