We put down our $10.25 plastic cups of Budweiser to stand for the national anthem. As the arena goes dark, the screens fill with the American flag and stock footage of a bald eagle. Speaking strictly musically, it is a very odd song. By the time we get to “land of the free” cheering has already broken out – partly from pure relief, it feels like, of the singer’s successful scaling of the octaves.
When Katie first announced at work that she was going to a Monster Truck rally at the weekend, I laughed at her. By late evening, I was sending begging texts asking to come along. I can go to all the nice parties and restaurants here that I want, but there are nice parties and restaurants everywhere. Watching comically oversized trucks compete to spin around in circles and leap over dummy cars: this seemed like a reasonably American opportunity. (“…the 2014 Monster Jam tour schedule will unfortunately not include an event in the UK”, their website informs fans. They are, however, “working diligently to have Monster Jam return in 2015”.)
If you’re imagining something rugged and cowboy, you’re in for a disappointment. The keynote of Monster Jam is family-friendly, and most people are here with young children. Think sports entertainment, in much the same vein as wrestling. The atmosphere, diesel fumes and sticky floors aside, is really pretty sweet. Suitably cute children are picked from the crowd and rewarded with free tickets to next year’s event. (It’s OK, the promoters will make it back on the hot dogs.)
Those things which are culturally dominant are often invisible. So it is with monster trucks. The thrill of watching a failed jump – seeing the truck yield backwards to gravity and land upside-down with a thump, smashing its windows in the process – this is probably universal. We’re all secretly wondering if a bloodied driver is about to be pulled out from underneath… whether the lights will dim unexpectedly for an unexpected tragedy. Of course, it didn’t. Of course, everything was fine. But as we warm to the fake-danger on stage, half the audience has already slipped in their ear buds. We’ve become accustomed to a culture which sees nothing strange in this – like selling anoraks in the queue for a water ride. Spectacle shouldn’t just be risk-free – it ought to be discomfort-free, too. A reasonable aspiration, perhaps, but it pushes ever wider the gap between our controlled experiences and the messy complications of ‘real life’.
We walk back to the train station to get some exercise. It’s about 5 kilometres – waiting for the bus (or, of course, jumping in the car) would be as normal in Britain as in America. Less common are the half-hearted attempts at sidewalks, which – to be fair – are often buried in snow. Running across the intersections feels greatly more dangerous than anything back at Monster Jam, but it’s also quite exhilarating.
Near the station, we pass the Rosemont Public Safety building. Their insignia is a hammer crossed with a machine gun. There’s no sign of any ear buds, but I wouldn’t be surprised.
A monster truck jumps through the air
The Second Golden Age of Tech is a really big deal
Sometimes, gifts fall into your lap as if from Lord Xenu heaven. The 7-minute Scientology infomercial DVD on ‘The Golden Age of Tech II’ – accidentally delivered to our flat – falls firmly into this category. Cleverly, they’ve made it parody-proof with a cast so zoned out of their minds, delivering lines so bonkers, that it would defy any attempt at exaggeration. (I can’t find it online, but it’s similar to this example from last year. Enjoy.)
Two weekends ago, Todd convened a salon (I’m writing this in italics to encourage you to read it with a French accent) to watch a film with rather more artistic merit: Wall-E. And then discuss it. And discuss it properly, like my beloved book club days, with starter questions to kick us off and a rewardingly wide-ranging discussion. Many thanks to the winter months for forcing everyone to stay inside and do this sort of thing.
Ticket to Ride is just about building train lines, so you can imagine my joy
Indoor activities this month also included a lot of board game activity with Catherine, Jason and AJ. Board games are funny, because I tend to forget their existence, until every now and then I encounter true aficionados (hat-tip, Oliver, Abi and Kat) which reminds me that the world has moved on from Monopoly. Don’t get me wrong, I have very happy childhood memories of trying to bankrupt my family with a strategically-placed property empire, but I have decided that any future family I have will also get to experience newer, better-designed games like Settlers of Catan or Ticket to Ride.
Shadowboxing the Ghost
Together we also saw indie-pop band Jukebox the Ghost, who briefly looked like they might be heading for disaster when the keyboard failed to work. But after a few minutes, crisis was averted, and the crowd broke into the spontaneous chants of U-S-A which (it has since been argued) were ironic. I’m not so sure.
Talking of patriotism, I watched Tuesday night’s State of the Union address at Katie’s, while simultaneously inspecting the state of the union between her mac and cheese. Both were strong! Less strong were my bowling skills, as exposed on Friday night after Michele organised a get-together-and-try-to-knock-over-some-pins night. But bowling, much like board games, is (a) only taken seriously if you happen to be winning, and (b) much enhanced by alcohol. So what I lack in “super powers” and “ninja skills” of the Scientologists, I can more than make up for in the “happiness rundown” stakes. WELCOME TO THE GOLDEN AGE.
The Golden Age of Bowling
Yes, I’ve been playing too much Worms
Happy Boxing Day! Usually at this time of year I’m overwhelmed by (a) the coma of Christmas, and (b) the self-imposed chore of writing a year in review, but I couldn’t help notice that I was due my one thousandth post on this blog. And boy, it only took ten years to get here. So look, there’s a little Worm incarnation of me celebrating. (It’s only fair to concede that I spent several hours of Christmas Day losing to Katie at Worms very, very badly.)
Despite this humiliation, it was actually a lovely day, if quieter than the traditional family Christmas to which I was briefly thrust into over Skype. On Christmas Eve I stole one of Cat’s family traditions by settling down to The Muppet Christmas Carol, and then the next morning I unwrapped beautiful care packages from Tash and Katie which had been waiting patiently under the tree:
So much proper chocolate!
I even got to be part of the Hurley family Christmas by playing Pointless together:
Highlights: philosophers and MPs. Lowlights: sport
And, of course, Doctor Who! So yes, I wouldn’t do this every year, but I still captured plenty of the Christmas magic.
Other things of note: enjoying the very last episodes of The Colbert Report, including Obama’s performance on the show, Julie’s birthday party, Grisel’s “I’m moving to San Francisco” farewell gathering (boo) and tagging on to see the final instalment of The Hobbit afterwards at the Navy Pier IMAX.
I seem to be more forgiving of this trilogy than most people. It’s clearly absurd, and no rational world would ever have permitted anyone to stretch out a short children’s adventure tale to the same length as Lord of the Rings. But I find the world spectacular and enjoyable enough to forgive all that. (Maybe it’s the accents?) Less acceptable is all of the LOTR foreshadowing, which rather wrecks the surprise element of that story’s opening, since all of the characters now know what’s coming anyway. So maybe it’s just that going to see The Hobbit reminds me of all those happy Christmases seeing the original films with my family, and for that, I’d probably pay to watch The Shire Parish Council Meetings (Extended Edition)*.
*Best not put that to the test, though, Peter Jackson.
Beth on Bergen: “It’s always fun to see you two having such a great time exploring a new place!” Apr 7, 15:05
