Census Results!

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It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for… some key results from the well-renowned, statistically rigorously and internationally respected dominicself.co.uk Readership Census. (A full copy of the census results can be purchased, in paperback or a luxury leather-bound edition, from the official shop.) Expert commentary has been provided to assist you in knowing how you’re supposed to react.

Hogwarts Sorting By House

Hogwarts Sorting By House

Expert Commentary: Very little surprise here in learning that there are more Ravenclaws in the audience than members of every other house put together. We’ve always known that readers of this blog were an intelligent and learned crowd, and this only confirms it. It is a slight worry that nearly one in ten of readers can be loosely categorised as ‘evil’, but we suspect that this figure is inflated by data from such undesirables as Twitter stalkers and Cambridge graduates.

Which Newspaper Would You Be?

Which Newspaper Would You Be?

Expert Commentary: We would interpret this high level of Guardian-people as representing readers who maintain an exhaustive online presence, promote such luminary figures as Ben Goldacre and Charlie Brooker and can’t necessarily spell all that well. Other significant groups are Independents (emerging from monetary difficulties but still reproducing) and Financial Timers (difficult to read on public transport).

A Sophisticated Crowd

A Sophisticated Crowd

Expert Commentary: More good news in these figures, and a vindication of this blog’s recent strategy of going up-market and significantly reducing its reliance on topless modelling. However, although rates of worship for the Invisible Pink Unicorn are high by national standards, there is evidently a great deal of evangelical work left to do.

Views Of Jeremy Clarkson

Views Of Jeremy Clarkson

Note: Respondents were asked to signal their (dis)agreement with the following statement on a scale from -2 (Dude, WTF?) to 2 (THE MOST CORRECT THING EVER), with 0 representing ‘Meh’: “Jeremy Clarkson, although wrong in all of his views, is still a talented TV presenter”. Averages shown as grouped by sexual orientation.

Expert Commentary: Fascinating results here, and a very clear trend: attraction to Macs significantly reduces appreciation of Clarkson’s presenting skills. We can only speculate as to why this might be the case. One theory is that over-exposure to Macs could be stimulating excess supply of the chemical in the brain which causes haughtiness; another is that it is less to do with Mac use per se and more a side-effect of susceptibility to Apple’s advertising, which is thought to rely on irrational negativity towards more primitive human beings. In either case, this data will surely fuel the ongoing debate around whether Mac use is truly a ‘healthy lifestyle choice’, as its proponents claim, or a potentially dangerous addiction which could damage long-term enjoyment of motoring-based light entertainment shows.

Capital Concerns

Capital Concerns

Expert Commentary: As could only be expected, Favstar use (of any sort) is restricted to TfL Zones 1-6, presumably due to a dearth of Internet access outside of the M25. The result for the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels is most unexpected, however: given the higher cost of cinemas in London, it was expected that Londoners would manifest greater levels of resentment at paying to sit through the repetitive tedium of a franchise long past its peak. We may speculate that paying exorbitant amounts to see films induces a mini-Stockholm effect, in which audience members convince themselves that it wasn’t that bad after all.

And a note of severe caution on the Jubilee line results: we are not suggesting, of course, that members of all houses do not vastly favour the Jubilee line for its evident superiority and top range of fabulous destinations. Rather, as Gryffindors are known for their bravery, they are likely to be most adept of any house members at resisting the bullying and intimation inflicted on Jubilee line fans by a very small minority of malcontents.

In honour of the census, I have prepared an important survey of my own. Do answer, as it will only take a minute or two, and will help dominicself.co.uk to plan our services appropriately in the coming years. Plus, failure to complete the readership census will be considered a statutory offence should I ever form an independent nation state.

Take the census! Give me data!

After a rather whirlwind and unusual week or two I have a nice moment of calm this evening, plus the prospect of a bit of routine and reassuring normality coming up next week. I mean, I actually have a deadline to work to on Wednesday – a deadline! – which is a good feeling to have… simple, straightforward accomplishments to pursue, which are sometimes much needed. And more social events to liven them up with too, of course

Don’t get me wrong: this weekend was lots of fun, and a decent excuse to return to blogging. On Friday I hopped up to Cambridge for an double-bill of CULES entertainment (that’s the Cambridge University Light Entertainment Society to you and me) and to marvel at Simon’s manifold acting and writing talents. And in all seriousness, both shows were actually… really really good. Not that I want to sound surprised, of course, but it was a case of pantomime being funny from being done right, rather than from being done not-so right, which is not always the case at these things. Also good was the after-party, particularly down to the exploits of one Mr. Butler, about which I will refrain from going further as I’m still hoping that he will remember me throughout his hotshot lawyer career if I ever need urgently defending in court. (George Galloway doesn’t still read this, right?) We got home at around 4, if memory serves me correctly, and the next morning I may have possibly [note: plausible deniability] enjoyed a rather decadent morning cocktail to boot. Hurray, post-student studenting!

Then on Saturday night it was Emily’s 18th birthday, which Grace and I attended [does that sound too nineteenth century?] and had an utterly charming evening [stop it] with lots of Pringle guzzling [better] and silly dancing with the likes of Saoirse, Tash K and Eleanor to the strident instructions of the Wii [hurrah]. (Once, and only once, I actually managed to win at bloody Just Dance. Clearly a fluke.) A very happy birthday to Emily!

Playing the religion level on Wii National Census 2011 game

Playing the religion level on Wii National Census 2011 game

Rather proud of this

Rather proud of this

(Oh, and I’m also rather proud of having actually gotten around to making a little display of my America photos for my wall. Words which may well come back to haunt me if the frame crashes off the wall and onto my head in the middle of the night, of course, but I’ll cross that bridge if I come to it…)

Remember Clip Art?

Remember Clip Art?

Beautiful day!

Was barely the afternoon by the time I was sitting under a tree with Joshua in Queen’s Park, enjoying a beer and feeling happy.

(This is a bit Tumblr, isn’t it? Sorry.)

Howdy y’all!

So I’m back from the States Now, thankfully, I’m not going to re-create my month on this blog because (a) it would probably take another month just to write it up and (b) I’ve already written it all in my little paper journal. (Yeah, about as retro as sending postcards!) But just to set the scene: I flew first to Boston to stay with Sophie, and then to San Diego in California for a journey up the Californian coast which also included Los Angeles, Santa Barbara, Santa Cruz, San Francisco and Santa Rosa. And it was amazing, of course.

I have oodles of photos, which will shortly be finding their way onto Facebook for those so inclined. But I thought it would be nice to start with ten for this blog. They (mostly) don’t include photos of people, essentially because I was so well looked after by so many wonderful friends and relatives that they wouldn’t all fit into just ten photos! For the record, though, a massive thank you to: Sophie, Perry, David, Ginger, Alex, Geoffrey, Jackie, Jeff, Lori, Crystal, Daryl, Ermila, Glynis, Laura, Giampaolo, Niccolo, Tessa, Matteo, Robert, Robin, Tom, Emily, Daniel, Jamie, Sharon, Jonah, Staci, Sophia and Rachel. And anyone else I’ve missed out. And Virgin, because flying with them is quantitatively better than with anyone else. (Sorry, this is all a little bit Academy Awards, but I guess I’m just high on a drug called dominicself.co.uk…)

1. Boston’s (snowy) Freedom Trail

1. Boston’s (snowy) Freedom Trail

2. Kayaking amongst the tiger sharks and sea lions in San Diego

2. Kayaking amongst the tiger sharks and sea lions in San Diego

3. At the top of the world! Or thereabouts.

3. At the top of the world! Or thereabouts.

4. Jacuzzi. (Not pictured: champagne. But rest assured there was champagne.)

4. Jacuzzi. (Not pictured: champagne. But rest assured there was champagne.)

5. Peace and love at Santa Monica pier

5. Peace and love at Santa Monica pier

6. Dancing with Robert

6. Dancing with Robert

7. The Castro Theatre, San Francisco

7. The Castro Theatre, San Francisco

8. American diner

8. American diner

9. Messing about at a rainy Golden Gate bridge

9. Messing about at a rainy Golden Gate bridge

10. San Francisco

10. San Francisco